Humor
Everything I
Need to Know,
I Learned in Corporate America
1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by
looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a
genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
7. The facts, although interesting, are
irrelevant.
8. The careful application of terror is also a
form of communication.
9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice
contrast to the real world.
10. Things are more like they are today than
they ever were before.
11. Anything worth fighting for is worth
fighting dirty for.
12. Everything should be made as simple as
possible, but no simpler.
13. Friends may come and go, but enemies
accumulate.
14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15. Suicide is the most sincere form of
self-criticism.
16. If you think there is good in everybody, you
haven't met everybody.
17. All things being equal, fat people use more
soap.
18. If you can smile when things go wrong, you
have someone in mind to blame.
19. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
20. By the time you make ends meet, they move
the ends.
21. Not one shred of evidence supports the
notion that life is serious.
22. The more you run over a dead cat, the
flatter it gets.
23. There is always one more imbecile than you
counted on.
24. This is as bad as it can get, but don't
count on it.
25. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and
the pig likes it.
26. The trouble with life is, you're halfway
through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
27. Youth and skill are no match for experience
and treachery.
28. No amount of advance planning will ever
replace dumb luck.
29. Anything you do can get you fired; this
includes doing nothing.
30. Money can't buy happiness; it can, however,
rent it.
31. Never pass a snow plow on the right
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Updated 22 May 1997